For this post, I'd like to write a little on the subject of making decisions and deciding "whats next". Having finished A Levels, and now being in my gap year; I do often think about what my next big step may be. I don't have an exact path on what I'd like to do in the years to come; but that is okay. There are very few people who know exactly what the want for their future from my age of 19.
The most important thing for me at the moment is to ensure I continue with the focuses, changes and new interests I made and discovered whilst away in the U.S. To continue with Yoga and Meditation; with reading, blogging and taking photos. Also to continue working on my health in a positive way and to live a calm and simple life and so on. I have learnt an awful lot about myself over the last 6 months especially, and to this day I'm still finding out more...aren't we all?
There are people who know what they want as a career from a young age...sometimes even before they've started GCSE's! This percentage of people is very small, and if you are one of those people...you're very lucky! Others have a rough idea from high school, and go onto sixth form or college with that idea of a career in mind and later on may go to University to get a degree in the area they're particularly interested in. Some decide they'd like to take a year out to go travelling, or to go straight into the world of work, to do an apprenticeship or similar.
Then there are others that find it difficult to decide exactly what they want to do after school; to decide what their next step may be. Constantly thinking of all the possibilities, such as...Do I go to uni? Do I go travelling? Shall I continue my part time job, until I've decided? Then, with feeling stuck, and indecisive they may choose one of the above but later think, was that the right decision?
Making decisions can be so difficult and one of life's challenges, I feel that there often isn't one correct way, no exact path, no simple answer. With making a decision and therefore trying something new and different is always positive in one way or another, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. Sometimes there is no easy way, but even small decisions will inevitable mean small steps forward. We learn new things all the time, about ourselves, about life and so much more; everyday is a new page to our story.
I am one of the people that isn't quite sure what my next big step is, before I became ill I was planning on going to University, but I'm no longer planning on that; I find the thought of the whole idea too stressful. Not going to Uni is ok and University isn't for everyone; the difficulty I find myself in is figuring out what I do want.
Saying I've been completely stuck for any idea would be a lie as I did make a decision, a pretty big one in fact...that being to go to America for 6 months for the reasons I've mentioned in previous blog posts. To take some time out, to recuperate, to find my independence, to gain confidence...basically, "to find myself".
Making the decision to go to the U.S. on my own with the many everyday life challenges we all come across, and to do so with being an already very anxious person; not only that but also with being in recovery from my illness...if I'm honest, to say a big step would be the least.
Luckily, my time time in the U.S was incredibly wonderful, it helped me grow with confidence, independence, strength and I was able to really relax and learn so much about myself, about life, and so, so much more, which I am over the moon about. However, it wasn't all easy, oh no. But I was prepared for that, and having been through the difficult times whilst away I can now see such times helped me grow even stronger.
So now being back in the U.K I find myself still unsure about exactly what I want for the times to come, but I'm only young and have time. There's no point in rushing and making an irrational decision. But in the meantime I will continue with what I mentioned above...Yoga, Meditation, writing this blog, taking photos my health and so on; which is more than enough for now.
What I want people who read this to understand and to take away is that wherever in life you may be, whatever age it is okay to not know exactly what you want for the times ahead. However, if you do find yourself feeling stuck, maybe try making a small change, a small decision, a small step forwards; what's the worst that could happen? If you continue to feel you're struggling or you feel as though you'd like help with decisions then seek advise, speak out. Bottling up feelings, emotions and questions does no good.
Remember to take time out every now and then to overlook your accomplishments, your interests and what you're looking forward to, etc. Also, to acknowledge the things getting you down and the things that aren't working out for you. When looking at both the good and bad you will hopefully be able to make some small changes in order to help yourself focus on the good; and if its difficult to change the bad stuff, maybe this is the time to seek help.
Thank you for reading, lots of love x