Sunday, 6 September 2015

Being More Independent

If you read my previous posts, you'll know my first step of my 'American adventure' was a lovely week in New York with my sister, I then had 2 wonderful months here in California with my Mum. Hopefully these next months will be a very big step towards what this trip is all about...getting my independence, getting to know myself, relaxing, having some "me" time, time to recuperate and so on.

Now, I'm not going to lie and say that waving my Mum goodbye was easy...I mean the homesickness kicked in as soon as she was gone. But after being here, without her for 3 weeks now, I can most definitely say that the feeling of homesickness is definitely wearing off and I'm having more ups than downs. 

I sort feel like I've missed out on a chunk of my childhood, from the age of 15 to 18 my life was dominated by my illness. In some ways I feel as if time stopped and I missed out on a very crucial part of growing up. 

I missed out on being with my friends, going to parties; I missed a lot of important time at school (being ill for the time of my GCSE's as well as for my A Levels). So I really feel, or felt very out of sync with my life - this being a reason why I felt very lost, not knowing where to go or what to do...But thats all now behind me. I've delightfully, finally got my A Level results which I am over the moon about and was a massive weight off my shoulders. 

So as that is all now in the past, I can excitingly look to the future; however, right now I actually find that keeping in the present moment is how I like things to be. I find this the best way to keep me motivated, happy and relaxed; therefore being a huge help in getting me ready and thinking of what I want for my future. 

Here, in Santa Monica, California, just me. I can really appreciate the simple things. 

I feel I'm finding new interests - for example my love of reading (which before, I'd never ever thought I'd hear myself saying).

I'm meeting new people, getting to know my neighbours, planning trips out for myself - like getting a bus to Downtown LA, or planning a blissful bike ride along the ocean front.

I'm also pursuing my loves, like my love of Yoga - going to yoga classes weekly (which I love). Spending lots of time at the beach, and using my Camera here and there.

As well as these wonderful things, I'm also thoroughly enjoying making my little apartment my bliss, adding my own individual touches. 

Finally I find myself actually starting to think and plan more for the future which before my time here, I was too scared to plan for the future, let alone even think about it!

Basically all I'm saying here is life is very precious and taking a step back or taking a break is sometimes the best thing. It allows you to have an overview on how you're living your day to day. You can then make changes to the things holding you back, and see what things you really love and enjoy. 

I'm so happy, so lucky and grateful to be able to have this opportunity. I'm mostly grateful to those who have made this possible for me. My family, my friends - I love you. Mum, I love you; thank you all. 

I've found my bliss, my inner peace, my calm.